HondaReport.com - Film Review: '2LDK' falls flat despite enormous potential

Hawaii International Film Festival—The most overhyped film among the 13 I saw at this year’s HIFF is 2LDK, a self-congratulatory orgy of brutal violence disguised as over-the-top humor. Whatever time limitations director Yukihiko Tsutsumi had on this project—created for a wager with another director—he did himself and a paying audience a disservice by wasting talent left and right. Instead, he “writes” a story that requires the intelligence and savvy of a 4-year-old on steroids.

Swinging and missing the same way the New York Yankees bit the dust against the Florida Marlins, 2LDK starts with great promise. Lana and Nozomi are a pair of actresses who come from disparate backgrounds, but room together in the spacious, extravagant condo of their “boss.” For several minutes, director-writer Yukihiko Tsutsumi and co-screenplay author Miura Uiko jab us with relentlessly amusing dialogue between Lana and Nozomi.

Lana, a borderline porn star who wants desperately to act in straight films, has bleached hair, an indoor tan and expensive taste in accessories. Nozomi, from aptly named Sado Island, may be a country girl who doesn’t drink liquor, but by narrating her thoughts out loud, we learn exactly how much she despises Lana. Once the two realize they are up for the lead in the same film, all heck breaks loose. (Ironically, Lana is played by actress Maho Nonami. Country girl Nozomi is played prim and proper by adult star Eiko Koike.)

What’s interesting about 2LDK is that the characters are complex, despicable and lovable as a result of our ability to hear their thoughts. Lana is the Oscar of this Odd Couple, while Nozomi is a nitpicky Felix. The refrigerator is Exhibit A: Nozomi Ziplocs her food and numerically labels each of her eggs. Lana’s internal voice: “Anal.”

This project began when Tsutsumi and fellow director Ryuhei Kitamura wagered their hair to see who would come up with the more popular film, i.e. Winner watches the loser’s head get shaved.

Fun premise, but this film loses all sense and steam once the bickering and petty violence turns brutally sick and demented. It’s an orgy of abuse with drowning, electrocution, beatdowns and much, much more.

Obviously, there was a time frame allotted for this project, because it is hardly imaginable that Tsutsumi would have willingly wasted the talents of actresses Maho Nonami and Eiko Koike.

The Hype: The brouhaha over this wager between the directors sets us up for a huge letdown. The 70 minutes spent on this film could have been sliced in half and gotten an equally effective point across.

Strengths: The banter between Nozomi and Lana is delectable—both inner and outer voices. Their moments of bratty disagreement and cocky bravado—“You’re still a virgin. No wonder you’re a lousy actress,” Lana yells to Nozomi—are digestible. Those verbal battles don’t match up to the polite beginning—filled in between sentences with their thoughts of growing hatred—which leads me to believe that Tsutsumi simply didn’t have the time to let this plot continue with any sense of cerebral aptitude. Amazingly, the country girl, Nozomi, is played extremely well by a real-life porn star.

Weaknesses: The comedic equivalent to 2LDK is a one-joke program that goes 50 minutes too long. The beatings and brutality are beyond overkill, and one watcher leaving the theater uttered this: “This is worst movie I’ve ever seen.” She wasn’t far off.

Best Scene: When Lana toys with Nozomi’s mind—referring to their mutual interest in a guy named Takuya Ezeki—the war is at its finest. We see how vulnerable Nozomi is when it comes to men. “Why don’t men like me,” she asks herself while glancing in the mirror. The answer is simple: she’s too preoccupied with success to notice that Takuya has a crush on her, as he eventually reveals in a phone call. Lana has her share of insecurities, as well, but on a much more morbid, tragic note, and it gives her nightmare-level hallucinations whenever she’s near a bathtub.

Worst Scene: Just about every violent scene in the final two-thirds of the film was unnecessary. Lack of imagination is a horrible thing to have if you are a director. I regret to say that there will be a lot of people who will waste money on this movie.

Summary: Don’t bother, unless you are a bloodlusting idiot who loves to see women bash each other’s skulls in with porcelain toilet covers. Two guys walked out of the theater in glee, telling us that this is the third time they’d seen this pile of gore. Something’s amiss in society when two young men relish the sight of women torturing one another to this extreme. The level of mindless, homicidal behavior is as ridiculous as Save the Green Planet. Idiots can only watch their VHS copies of the Faces of Death series only a few thousand times, I suppose, before they need more fodder for their damaged cerebrums.

I would really like to see Nonami and Koike pair up for a great film someday. There is no question they could carry a film, so long as the script allows them to act.

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Posted by: country girl at August 6, 2004 11:20 AM